October Thoughts

Sitting by the lake on an October evening

I am alone on a park bench.

My thoughts are dancing around me in a swirl

Of confusion.

Skipping

Across the gold-rimmed water

From the setting sun.

 

What is the man sitting on the grass writing so furiously about

In his little brown notebook?

And does the boy who just ran past me think I’m as cute

As I thought he was?

How many years have the forty-something couple that just took a selfie

been married?

 

I want to travel and swim in the Mediterranean Sea,

Dance in Barcelona with a boy who has dark brown hair

And eyes that scream mystery and

Passion.

 

I want to fall in love

And get a puppy.

Have a garden with vegetables

And flowers on my coffee table.

 

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up

But I’m supposed to have it all figured out.

I want to write and draw

And learn sign language

And teach English in a foreign country.

 

Caught between being an adult

With responsibilities

And bills to pay

And the need for freedom

And a little girl who is just

Scared.

 

The sun is setting

And its growing colder.

My pink mittens

Scream adolescence.

Which is funny,

Because it’s something I am trying to hold on to

But want so badly to leave me at the same time.

 

I am walking back home.

The sun is gone, the street lights are leading my way

Down the dim street in front of me.

It’s cold and I just want someone to be holding my hand.

But alas,

I am alone.

 

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